Circle of Humiliation

As you can imagine, it is difficult for a capybara to fit in with a human family. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family, but they are sometimes quite a trial.

This week my owner decided to bring up the whole “Do a Circle” trick again. She found this a long time ago on YouTube. In that video (Minipan Circling) a girl is teaching her guinea pig, Minipan, how to do the circle trick. The circle trick is just what it sounds like, the poor, starving pet is forced to spin around in a full 360-degree circle to get some tiny morsel.

My owner decided it would be cute if I did that trick. Well, I wasn’t having any of it. I pretended I had no idea what she was talking about and just kept looking at her with my dark, featureless but pleading eyes. Eventually she gave up on the idea and we all breathed a sigh of relief, especially me.

But I’ll tell you something, she spends way too much time on YouTube. Eventually she came across this video (Zoo Capybara Circling) showing a zoo capybara in Japan that knew the circle trick! Can you believe a capybara would stoop to that? Well, zoo capybaras are desperate animals and are just dying for treats–I mean attention. That video set my owner off again.

A couple of days ago she got me in the kitchen with a popsicle, which is my current favorite food (outside of yogurt). I stood on my hind legs and begged (I know, not very dignified!). I waved. I did my tap-a-tap-a trick. Nothing happened. She wouldn’t give me the popsicle! Instead she held it over to the side of my head and kept repeating some gibberish. I looked at it with hungry eyes and reached to grab it but she moved it farther away.

Let me tell you, I’m no dummy. I knew her evil plan. But what could I do? I wanted that popsicle. So I turned a little. She moved it again. I turned some more. She moved it more. This went on and on until I was all the way back to facing her and then she finally gave me a bite. It tasted delicious. Maybe even more delicious because I had to work for it. But then again, maybe not.

She kept doing that for every single bite of the popsicle. Eventually I gave up and just did the danged turn when she waved the popsicle. It’s faster that way and I don’t have a lot of patience.

Later in the day, we had a repeat of the same stupid procedure. For every bite I had to turn a full circle. By the third popsicle, I’d given up and didn’t even pretend not to know what she was talking about.

The next day proved more of the same, only this time I had to turn clockwise rather than counter clockwise. I sadly confess that I didn’t put up much of a fight. It only took two popsicles to convince me I’d have to turn that way too if I wanted that popsicle.

So there you have it. A sad story of desperation, deprivation and humiliation. You can view the whole thing on YouTube at: Caplin Rous Circling.

Don’t hate me for what I’ve become…

A more dignified way to ask for a popsicle. Ah for the good old days.

Me forced to circle to get a bite.

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