Capy Diablog: A Perfect World

Gari & Dobby(e)

This post is the second in the series of Capy Diablogs. The Diablogs feature conversations (or dialogs) between two capybaras, Garibaldi Rous and Dobby Winnick (aka Dobbye Winnick). Most of you probably already know Dobby from his blog,Dobby the Capybara. Dobby is actually Caplin Rous’ full younger brother, but he has become like a big brother to Garibaldi. A version of this post also exists on Dobby’s blog.

If Melly and I had Twin Beds

Hi Dobby,

Did you see me and Melly on My Crazy Obsession? On that show, Melly said she wanted me to sleep in bed with her. Here’s what I think, if she wants me to sleep with her, she needs to sleep on the floor with me! I’m willing to let her put her mattress on the floor. In fact, I don’t know why it’s not on the floor already. I don’t think I am being unreasonable, I read on a blog somewhere that the thoughtful human would be happy to do that for their capybara.

What do you think? Does Melly not love me?

Dobby has his own human bed outdoors

Gari,

I just don’t like sleeping inside any more, no matter how cold it is outside. I think Stacy and Dick should come out and sleep with me. When I first moved outside, they did sleep with me, but I like to urinate in my bedding. Also, that’s where I do my morning poop eating, which can get a little bit untidy. I was hoping they would reconsider and asked so nicely and promised to only pee and poop on my side of the bed, but they still didn’t seem too interested. I think it is just too cold out here for them. I’m sure when the weather is nice they’ll start sleeping out here in my bed!

One fun thing they have started doing is using my bathroom outside! I read somewhere that we should all defecate together in order to strengthen our bond, and I agree that families that poop together stay together! I think that all capybara owners should build an outdoor family bathroom to make their capybaras feel at home. I have a very nice bathroom out in the back yard. When is Melly going to build one for you, Gari?

A big pool with a big rock in the middle would be nice

Prince Dobalob,

I am really not sure that you should have the title, “most regal of capybaras.” I am pretty regal too, you know.

Anyway, as for alimentary habits, I agree that it is best if humans and capybaras use the same facilities. I use a water bowl in the bathroom but Melly and Rick use the toilet. I feel this drives a wedge between us. I think we should all use the same water bowl. Rick is disabled so it would probably be hard for him to squat down and poop in it, but being male like I am, he could easily pee in it standing up. It might splash a little but Melly can clean that up. Melly, on the other hand, has absolutely no excuse for not using the water bowl for all of her urination and defecation activities!

Here’s another thing that is bothering me and I know it is a topic dear to your heart: swimming pools. You and I have very similar pools now and they are okay but couldn’t they be a whole lot better? I know that some pet capybaras have what are called built-in or in-ground pools and these are much larger and better for swimming. I would like a swimming pool that is at least Olympic sized (I don’t know how big that is but it sounds good). And it needs to be fifteen feet deep in the middle and slope up all around so I can get out anywhere I want. And I want the water heated during the winter and cooled during the summer (my pool sometimes feels more like a hot tub as it is). This is not too much to ask. It might be expensive but Melly could cover it using her retirement money.

Dobby in a pool he no longer has

Goodcapy Gari,

I completely agree with you about the swimming pool. Personally, I could use something permanent around here. They come and go with the wind, for no apparent reason. I require a heated pool year round, and I need shallow pools of varied depth at the edge for basking. It needs to be deep enough for diving while having a large enough area devoted to aquatic vegetation production to be sustainable, no matter how much of it I eat. A waterfall would be nice, and I want fresh lemons daily. The jets need to be redesigned, too. Those little outlets are nearly impossible to adjust with paws.

Sleeping and pooping together is important, but don’t you agree that a capybara-centered family should eat together? I think we both have mastered the grazing aspect of eating. Melly cuts your grass, right? Stacy is always cutting me roses and bamboo, and she even pulls up grass clumps for me, and that counts as grazing together, a least by my definition. The biggest change here is that I get to sit at the dinner table with the family, now! I like the corn and salads best, but the mashed potatoes are good, too. Candied yams are yummy, but only if those little marshmallows are on top. Apple pie and strawberry milkshakes are a real treat! Do you get to sit at the table?

Dibbity Dobbity Doodlebug (Dobbye)

Grazing with Melly

Dobbyeball,

You are a genius! Of course we should be eating with our humans! While Melly does cut the grass for me, this is not the same thing as cutting the bread, or whatever the human expression is. Melly needs to EAT the grass with me. Sure, sometimes she uses my lettuce to make a salad, but she doesn’t do it right. Firstly, she uses a fork to eat and that is just crazy. Clearly these capy paws are never going to hold a fork (and don’t even start me on chopsticks!) so Melly needs to learn to eat directly from the bowl. And ON THE GROUND! I am certainly not going to eat sitting at some stupid table. Lying down in the grass, on one of my dog beds or straight on the floor with maybe a little rug is good enough for me so it is good enough for my humans! Okay, I guess I’ll have to give my Rick another waiver due to his disability and because I love him best, but Melly better get down on the ground and eat straight lettuce and grass with NO DRESSING!

Another issue I have is with cars. I don’t like them. I don’t want to go in them and I don’t want my humans to go in them. I want the three of us to stay at home together forever. I believe this will make us all happier. Melly always says how she hates to leave me when she goes to work. Well, she should just STOP DOING THAT! I think that she can order everything we need using her computer and the internet.

Gari the Homebara

Dobby driving

Homebara,

I agree that it is a constant struggle to keep Stacy home all day long, even though she quit her job. Sometimes she is home, but not in the backyard playing with me! It is so frustrating! The worst of it is when she actually gets in her car and DRIVES AWAY! So far she has always returned, but you never know. I think I am going to get a car so that I can follow her everywhere. I’m going to get a convertible, because I really don’t like being indoors much, and having the windows open just doesn’t help that much. Plus, I will be able to go to drive-thrus to get milkshakes and fries! Maybe I’ll even drive to Texas for a visit!

Dobbye “Mario Andretti” Winnick

Waiting for Dobby

Dobbye “Mario Andretti” Winnick,

I bow my little capy head to you. You are most brave and daring! I shall await your arrival. I hope you come in the summer so we can spend long hours in the pool lamenting our station in life and our poor excuses for human caretakers. I have never had a milkshake or fries but I bet they are delicious pool treats.

Anxiously anticipating our meeting!

Your humble capybara admirer, Garibaldi the Fearful